Charleton Heston Said it Best

“I am not an animal! I am a human being! I …am …a man!”

That’s right folks, I am a human being. Let’s rap about this for a little while, shall we? Because there are some points I feel that need to be discussed, and it seems that there are a few people in the world who have lost sight of some certain facts. For instance, if you’re going to make comments about me to someone else in the room, please have the basic courtesy to wait until you’ve put the phone on the hook, yeah? Because, maybe I’m being sensitive here, but I find it a little fucking insulting to hear you tell your boyfriend I’m “Some automated shit from (car company name).” This coming from a woman who I talked to for at least three times longer than I talk with most people, because she actually had some comments that she wanted to make to (car company name). I understand, she was probably just having a rough day, or was in the middle of dinner, or something to that effect, I don’t really care that she made the comment. But she had to know I was a person (Or a BRILLIANT computer with some wildly varied inflection in its voice), and she couldn’t wait until she’d hung up the phone to say that?

Instance number two: “Again, I’m so sorry to have bothered you sir.”

“Yeah, I bet you are.” *click*

EXCUSE ME?! What kinds of choices do you think I’ve made in my life, sir? That I went through high school and college, managing to keep myself going only by thinking “Man, I can’t wait until I can call people at home using numbers THEY PROVIDED to (car rental company), who TOLD THEM THEY MIGHT BE SURVEYED, and annoy the ever living crap out of them by politely introducing myself, asking two brief questions, and then thanking them for their time?” But wait, that IS harsh of me. That poor fellow couldn’t have possibly known I would thank him for his time, because he told me I was trying to get in touch with his girlfriend, who had given me the number. Yeah, man. It’s my fault, there’s nothing I would love more than to talk with 300 people like you per night, that would just make my eyes twinkle with glee. No, I said I’m sorry to have bothered you because–stay with me here folks, this reasoning gets tricky in a second–I’m sorry to have bothered you.

So what can we all take away from this pair of delightful conversations? Well, we’re in the telemarket business. We might be trying to sell you something, we might be getting feedback on something you’ve already bought, but we’re still people doing a job. You know what a computer sounds like, and we’re not them. We’re people, we’re trying to be polite to you, and more often than not we succeed, no matter how difficult you might make that. If you don’t want to talk with us, feel free to tell us it’s a wrong number, and hang up the phone. Or ask to be put on a no-call list, most places have those, too. But don’t lose sight of the fact that we are people, with pulses, and jobs, just like you. Our job just happens to suck.


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